That is fantastic. I love the inner game and I agree with you. I think everyone suffers from that saboteur, the the imposter syndrome. Absolutely everyone, and it seems to me that when individuals are, you know, they're ambitious, they want to do their best work and sometimes they're following sort of the same patterns time and time again. So they go from one organization and they're not happy there. They go to the next organization or business or whatever it might be. And they have the same experience. And I feel in that way, people struggle and they suffer because they think that there's something inherently wrong with them when in fact they haven't been able to really identify what their core values are, perhaps. Or to your point about the inner game, what's important to them, and using those values to make decisions about what teams they work with, what types of organizations they work with. Would you agree?

Tommy Breedlove

Well, I'm a big fan of personal accountability. So the only thing consistent in that particular story is that person keeps going from place to place. So there's something that they need to lean in and work on. And so I'm a huge personal accountability guy. And so I believe that if you find the closest mirror, there lies the problem and the solution. And so all of us have our blind spots. All of us have things that we need to work on. All of us have...And here's the thing...we're not alone. We've all got our fears. We all have our insecurities. We all have that voice inside our head that says we're not enough in some way. And the key is what do we do about it? And again, I'm a huge proponent of if you're not happy or you're not successful or you're worried or you're scared or you haven't achieved some of the things you want in life, again, go find the nearest mirror. That is the problem and solution. Now, what are you going to do about it? Right.

And so for me, that particular individual who's jumping from job to job and who's not happy, who's not as successful and who just can't seem to find the right situation, they've got some major blind spots in their particular life that they need to lean in on. Did they need more self-confidence? Do they need more self-respect? Do they need to up their game in a certain skill? Do they need to get id of that voice inside our head? And all of these things are so super important. And here's how I like to say it, Maureen. Life is a journey. If we don't exercise, we're going to get out of shape. If we don't eat right, we're going to get overweight. And so the same goes for our emotional, mental and spiritual muscles. We've got to work on them every single day to be as strong as we can be, to be as happy as we can be, to be as fulfilled and successful as we need to be.

I think you're onto something, though. We also need to discover what our core values and non-negotiables are, but we also need to discover what our purpose is. And so all of those things make for a holistic, albeit legendary life. And I'm certainly no legend, but I work very hard that when my time is up, hopefully I left the people I touch in this world a little bit better than I found it. But, you know, people need to...we can't blame others. It's not a system. It's not a politician. It's not the corporations...the only thing in control of us is us. And the only thing that we truly have control over is our choices. And I would say to that person, what are you choosing day to day to be a little bit better than you were yesterday? What are you going to lean into? What are you going to work on? Is it your self-confidence, your self-respect? Is it your leadership? Is it your money skills? Is it your mindset? Is it discovering your purpose? Is it, you know, finding that unconditional love for yourself? I mean, because we all struggle with these things. But the good news is anything that was wired into us can be unwired and anything that's been done can be undone. And so that's what I would say to that particular person. I know that sounds a little harsh, but it's true. And so that's just something I feel deep down into my core values.

Maureen Farmer

Yeah, yeah. 100%. In fact, on a personal note, a member of my extended family is suffering with an issue. And I believe it's a learned problem. It's a learned issue. And to your point, I think that type of thinking and core beliefs that, you know, that are not serving us and keeping us healthy can be changed, can be transformed.

Tommy Breedlove

100%, here's the thing, they have to be aware of it. And here's how you become aware of something. If you're not fulfilled, happy...if you live worried, if you live scared, if you live as a victim (and we're promoting victimhood in the Western world like I've never seen before. It's crazy.) if you feel like a victim or you feel entitled or you find yourself judging people or scared or angry or insecure. The key is look in the mirror and what are you going to do about it? The only person in the world that can change that is you and anything that is learned behavior and it comes through...a lot of it comes through culture. It comes to parenting. It comes through teaching. It comes to religion. And it comes to our advertising. It comes through social media. But anything that can be learned can be unlearned. Anybody you know, the people who are successful and happy, they work really hard at being successful and happy. The people who are unsuccessful and unhappy, they don't do much to change it. And so, again, abundance thinking, happy thinking, successful thinking, you know, empathy, compassion, all of those things are learned skills. And again, it's just whether they are aware they need to change. And do they have the intestinal fortitude and grit to do the hard work, to be more successful and more happy? So, anything that can be learned is unlearned. But that's why so many people don't do it, because change is hard, right? We say who wants to change the world? Everybody raises their hands. Well, who wants to change themselves? Not many hands go up and that is the real issue.

Maureen Farmer

But I don't know if it's a matter that they don't want to change, Tommy. I think that they don't know how a lot of times. I don't think that they know how. They may be self-aware enough to know, you know, something is not working here, you know, I'm having the same results time and time again. How do I change it?

Tommy Breedlove

You know, you have to start small and think big. So what is the easiest way to change your personal situation? Here's the easiest way. And I'll give you some really simple examples. The easiest, quickest way is to take one negative thing out of your life. And let me give you some simple examples. If you don't like the way you are looking or feeling (health wise) and you're eating chocolate cake every night or potato chips or having 16 glasses of wine, whatever your thing is, is you have to take that out of your life. That is the quickest way to start seeing improvement is taking away something negative. Maybe it's negative self talk, maybe it's bad friends. And by the way, if you hang out with five unhappy people, you're going to be unhappy. If you hang out with five not successful people, you're not going to be successful. If you hang out with five drunks, you're going to become a drunk. That's just the truth. And so maybe it's eliminating some of the negative people out of your life. Maybe it's putting down the phone and social media because it makes you feel bad. And here's a statistic that's frightening. If you are on Twitter more than three minutes a day, you're 65 percent more likely to say you had a bad day. How ridiculous is that?

So the easiest way to change and easiest is remove something negative out of your life. And I guarantee you, everybody in your audience knows that one thing or one person or one habit they need to remove. Here's the second harder part to change is self-esteem. Confidence is earned and they are maintained by doing certain reps. And so there's a billion great books and podcasts—including this one—out there. I'll help you be a better human being. And if people who don't and now they have technology that will literally read you books you don't even have to read, just turn off the Amazon, the Netflix, the YouTube for an hour or two a day and start learning whether it's self development, a book like Legendary who helps you live a holistic life, not just make a lot of money and be happy, but literally live a holistic life. That's literally what my book is designed to do. And it's simple, easy, executable steps to do that. But you've got to do something different than you did yesterday. So how do you cultivate happiness, love, self esteem, confidence and an abundant minded thinking person is you have to add nutrition into your heart, mind, eyes and ears. And I'm not just talking about what you eat, I'm talking about what you consume. And so listen to great self development books, business books, books of people that you look up to. That's how you start learning and feeling better. Maybe you need a gratitude practice so you're thankful for what you do have and all of the blessings in your life and not what you don't have. Maybe you need to start a meditation practice so that you become more proactive and not reactive to life. You become more peace of mind. You become more present with other people and you become a better listener. Maybe you need to start journaling.

I'm in the coaching business. I coach world class executives all over the world. But guess what? I have a coach to help me with my blind spots to help me be a better leader and human. So, there's all of these things. You just have to eliminate the negative. And by the way, social media, 24 hour news, any reality TV and most of the TV we consume is poison. You've got to put in goodness if you want goodness in your life, you've got to put goodness into your eyes, ears, soul and in your body.

Maureen Farmer

Yeah, it's going to bring joy or it has to go, Tommy. That's wonderful.

So Tommy, tell us a little bit about your journey to what you're doing now. I know you had obviously had a career in corporate, twenty year corporate career, in fact. So you have a background in accounting?

Tommy Breedlove

Yeah, so my degree is in accounting, but I was in financial consulting, public accounting and the mergers and acquisitions world for almost 20 years and rose through the ranks. I was a senior partner, a board of director of a large firm in the southeast United States and my financial future was absolutely certain. And it took a lot of courage to walk away at the top of the game.

Maureen Farmer

Oh I can only imagine.

Tommy Breedlove

Yeah. 60% of your household income away in like one second. I think that it takes a lot of courage and it takes a tribe of believers. So here's the deal, though, is I come from very humble beginnings. I come from a very hard working part of the United States. But it was also a tough part of the United States. So I grew up in and around a lot of violence and abuse inside and outside the household. And the problem with that is I'm going to get to the point of how I walked away and how I got to where I am now. And I was scheduled to be you know, I had all these scholarships to all these universities and I was going to be the first person to graduate college in my family. But instead, I become what I became...what I hated. I became that abuse. I became that violence. And at 18 years old I was looking at all these scholarships and finally getting out of the neighborhood and going and doing something with my life. First one in my family, by the way, I committed a violent crime and I was looking at seven years in prison and I thought my life was over. Luckily, it was dropped to a much lesser charge. And I spent my 19th birthday incarcerated. A great male mentor appeared in my life. African-American gentleman decided across racial lines and decided to give me some great male mentorship and with some personal accountability. His guidance, you know, I got out of that, dusted myself off, went to work for a factory during the day and put myself through school at night. I literally went from a jail cell to Deloitte in three years. And and it was just by dusting myself off.

The problem is, is I thought money, success, working harder than everybody and just competing hard against everybody was going to bring me happiness and fulfillment. And I'm a money guy, by the way, if people tell you that money's not important run from them because they're broke. So I don't want anybody to think that I don't believe money is important, but I believe money is a scorecard and it's just a mirror. And if you are a giant ass, money's going to make you an even bigger ass. If you want to make great impact in this world and do great things with your money and really do good, money will help you do that. And I'm a firm believer that people of purpose need to make a lot of money so that they can make great impact.

But anyway, getting back to the story, at 36 years old, I had the corner office, the shiny suit, the cufflinks, the watch, the car. You know, on the outside, everybody said, this guy's got it going on, you know, and I had made it to junior partner at a very young age. But inside, I never dealt with those insecurities, those fears, that "not good enough" that were basically beaten into me as a child. And so it was my responsibility to stop living that story I was telling myself and start living my life, start taking control of who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go and what I believed in. But the problem is, I was unconscious and unaware of that. And when the money and the power and the deals didn't fulfill me, I turned to darkness. And at thirty six years old, I found myself literally lying in a ditch in downtown Atlanta, wondering how I got there. I was probably doing some multimillion dollar order deal the week before. And here I am in a ditch because I just was lost, insecure, scared and turning to all the dark things to make myself happy because I was just completely unhappy. And at that moment in that ditch, I decided to participate in my own rescue and start rebuilding myself, discover who I am, where I'm going and who's coming with me, start working on my emotions, start working on my mental game, start working on my spiritual game to be the best person and just to find out who Tommy really was. And in those three years I never wanted to leave the financial world. I literally had no intentions of ever walking because the money was just so darn good.

But over three years, when I decided to just figure out who I am, I literally went, Maureen, and I'm not joking. I'm not kidding about anything I'm about to tell you. In three short years, I went from working 60 to 80 hours a week down to about 35. My money doubled, my network ten X'd in all the right ways. I got rid of all the negative people and just started networking and finding friends and business colleagues in all the right ways. My relationship with my wife became the best it ever had, my happiness, my confidence, my fulfillment, my peace of mind, my stress basically went away in those three years because I spent every moment in the mornings working on my inner game, working on my my heart muscle, my mind muscle, my soul muscle. I was working with coaches. I was right and working with great mentors. And in those three years, I went from junior partner to senior partner to elected to the board of directors. At 39 years old, most of the people were in their 60s and became a major owner of the firm just by being a good person and working on that inner game. Here's where the massive transition happened. All of these entrepreneurs, bankers, lawyers, executive type men in my network started reaching out to me and say, hey, man, you seem you're just as successful as you've ever been. You're working a lot less. You're happy. Your marriage is good. What drug are you taking? Because I want it. Yes. And I said it's not, it's just hard work, brother. And you've got to prioritize yourself first.

And through all of that informal coaching and mentoring of these great executives and upcoming executive entrepreneurs or lawyer banker type men, I was like, there's something here. And I decided to walk away at the top of the game and create this legendary life movement where we run mastermind's. We want conferences and retreats to help men be better in all phases of their life. And when I saw the formula start transforming not only men but also women, because I work with women on a one on one basis, I was like, how do we bring this to the world? And that's when the book legendary...and I'm super thankful it became a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestseller. But it's a simple, simple playbook. And these things are not rocket science. If you do X, Y and Z every single day, you will find success. You will find more time. You will find purpose, you will find better relationships, and you will find happiness and self-confidence. You just got to do the work and it has just exploded in all the right ways. But it did take a lot of courage to walk away. I'm not going to lie because my financial security was set.

Maureen Farmer

Oh, absolutely. It's been an amazing conversation. So, Tommy, you know, given your the transformation that you've encountered and the wonderful work that you're doing and positivity and the world of abundance, what has surprised you most during that journey so far?

Tommy Breedlove

What has surprised me most is that most people won't do what it takes to find success and happiness in life. It's sad and I've had to concentrate. I used to chase the people who I know needed it the most. But the problem is, if they don't want it—change and personal accountability and looking in the mirror is quite difficult. And our politicians are all over the world are telling you that you're going to be OK. We've got you, just follow us. And that is simply not true. And our social media, you know, promotes envy. It promotes division as our news. So we're constantly overwhelmed with shame, division, fear, guilt, all of those, you know, that's what it's designed to do because that's what sells advertising. Right. And what shocks me is the people who need this work the most don't do it. And it makes me very sad. And it used to make me very angry. But if you don't want success and happiness and fulfillment and better relationships in your life, if you don't want more confidence, if you're not willing to do the work, that makes me quite sad because this is a very, very preciously short life.

I don't want people to live life with regrets. I want them to experience life. I want them to experience love and happiness. And I want them to experience great financial success and live a life with purpose. The problem is that 90 percent of the world won't do the work, and that's why 90 percent of the world is that 90 percent. And I'm not talking about the people who were born with wealth and happiness. I'm talking about the people who go out there, work for it, like me and my network, who work every single day to make impact...and this is a journey. I have really bad days. I get scared. I get worried. We're not alone. We all have it. But I work my butt off with coaches and mentors. I run mastermind's, I'm in a mastermind, I'm a coach. I work with coaches. And so I'm constantly sharpening the pencil to be stronger emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically.

You know, it makes me sad that the people who need this the most don't do the work. That's been the most surprising. But the people who want it, I'll stand next to him every single day. And I'm no guru. I'm no sage on the stage. I have to walk the walk. I have my insecurities. I have my challenges. I have my demons that I live with every single day and I just get up and put one foot forward and I'll work my butt off to be better, and it has just manifested in, you know, what I thought was financial success and a form of life. We've 10x'd what I thought was happiness in a former life. I'm happier now than I've ever been. I'm more self-confident and I have strong boundaries. I say no often. Here's the surprising thing, and it's kind of sad. It sounds negative, but it's not. People who need it the most just won't do the work. And they're going to come to the end with regrets and like "what I should have could have". And that is just a non-negotiable for me. So I'll say that, Maureen.

Maureen Farmer

When I was in Dublin a couple of years ago, I was on a cab going to the the hotel and on the side of a building, I noticed this huge sign that said, "don't wish for it, work for it". And I've never forgotten that. It made such an impression on me. And like you, in terms of coaching, I've had many coaches and again, I have a coach working on Masterminds. I think also mentorship is so important, huge. And I don't think it needs to be a formalized process. You can reach out for mentorship to anyone. And I think that a lot of people who are in the corporate world feel as though there has to be a program or that somebody has to make a referral. I think that if you approach someone authentically and ask for some time, most people do want to help, and I really believe that to be true. So besides getting your wonderful book called Legendary, what one or two things could a person listening to this conversation do to move the needle? I know you talked about removing one negative thing. What else might they do to kind of move in the right direction to abundance?

Tommy Breedlove

Here's what I'd say. The first thing I would say, and I want to go back to something you said earlier, Maureen, real quick, because I think it was a powerful point. People do want to help. However, this is the key to mentorship and networking. Are you ready? I mean, it's a magical formula.

Maureen Farmer

OK, I'm ready!

Tommy Breedlove

You must be a net giver. People hate net takers and energy vampires.

Whatever you want, whether it's mentorship or to have happiness, start with giving. So that's one thing I would say...be a net giver and not a net taker. So what would I say to these people? The first thing I would say is so many of us think we're alone with our deep, dark desires, our insecurities, the voice inside of our head that says, 'what if they figure out I don't know what I'm doing or I'm not enough or I'm not valuable, I'm not something'. The first thing I want your audience to hear is they're not alone. Everybody has that. And so we need to cut off the nonsense. And so the first thing I want them to realize is they're not alone. The second thing I want them to do is participate. They're in their own rescue. Go find the mirror. Therein lies the problem and solution. The third thing I want them to understand is that the only thing in their control and power is their choices, nothing else. Their choices. Make a choice to do something different than you did yesterday. Listen to a great podcast, read a great business book, read Legendary, which helps you, you know, in all facets of your life. Start inputting into your life some nutrition that feeds your heart, mind and soul, something that makes you better and start walking the walk.

Just change one thing. What is the one thing that you need to remove from your life that will help your life 10x? Now, what's the one thing that you need to add in your life? Is it reading more? Is it coaching? Is it a gratitude practice? Is it you need to learn a particular skill. You don't understand money investing. There's a billion podcast and books out there to help you build stronger in that way. But here at the end of the day, you must participate in your own rescue. You must choose to do one thing tomorrow different than you did today. Maybe it's going four or five minute walk that becomes a ten minute walk. Maybe it's I mean, there's so many different things out there, but the best investment you'll ever make before is in yourself. You've got to invest in you and you've got to work on your inner game. You've got to work on your outer game. And you've got to do you first because you can't lead love and matter if you don't lead love and matter to yourself. And so that's what I would tell your audience. And by the way, when you start walking taller, head up, shoulders back, you literally start vibrating. You start living your life with courage. You start living your life with gratitude. You start living your life with confidence and it takes time. These are muscles. You've got to build the muscles just like going to the gym. And you must be patient because there is no quick fixes. Any quick fixin' in life is a sham...it's a scam, it doesn't happen, and so you have to do the hard work, but it's compound interest. So in 365 days, if you do one thing different every day and you do it consistently, it will pay dividends in all facets of your life. So that's what I would tell your audience to do.

Maureen Farmer

Well, that is absolutely transformational and very powerful. Tommy, thank you so much for for joining me today. And it's been, again, a pleasure. How can we find the book Legendary? How can we find you if we want to reach out to you?

Tommy Breedlove

Totally. So, the book Legendary...it doesn't matter if you're in Canada, the United States, UK, Australia, really the Western world, it's everywhere. So, it's an audio format. It's an electronic format, hardback and softcover. It's at your favorite bookstore. So choose your favorite bookstore. I don't want to say which one because they get angry when I do that, but it is everywhere. And if my southern United States accent doesn't bother you, I will read it to you because I'm the one who reads the audiobook.

OK, if you want to find me, I'm constantly putting out life hacks and business hacks and goodness, I put goodness out there in the world, not negativity. You can find me on LinkedIn. I put all of my stuff on there. You can go to my website. Tommy Breedlove Dot com. I'll send you daily what I call the legendary minute, which is always something to make your life a little bit better each day.

Maureen Farmer

Yes, I'm on the list.

Tommy Breedlove

Or if you're an Instagram person, find me on Instagram. We just put so much love, like goodness, help, guidance, wisdom. And it's not just mine, it's mine from a lot of people. And so Tommy Breedlove Dot com to sign up for our newsletter, find me on Instagram at Tommy Breedlove and you can also find me on LinkedIn. So just reach out and again do something different than you did yesterday.

Maureen Farmer

That's a wonderful message. Thank you so much, Tommy, for spending your time with me today. It's been such a lovely experience and I hope to get to do it again.

Tommy Breedlove

Maureen, you are absolutely the best. I have an epic day.